hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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