So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
