I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
