You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
