I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
