I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
