id be glad to
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
