i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No subtext here. People are naked.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
