i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
