i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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