You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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