you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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