Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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