Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
