Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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