are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
