my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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