i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
