No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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