I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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