He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
