he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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