so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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