I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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