Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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