Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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