Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
