Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
