How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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