I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
