And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
