There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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