The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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