I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
