he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
