the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
