My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
