Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
