I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
