Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
