I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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