hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
