Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
