Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
