she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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