i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
