This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
