The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
