remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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