I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
