the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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