Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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