I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
